Monday, March 05, 2007

Words to Describe Washington Mutual:

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bent, caught, corrupt, crooked, culpable, deplorable, dirty, felonious, hung up*, illegal, illegitimate, illicit, immoral, indictable, iniquitous, nefarious, peccant, racket, scandalous, senseless, shady*, smoking gun*, unlawful, unrighteous, vicious, villainous, wicked, wildcat*, wrong, blackmailer, blotto, con, convict, crook, culprit, delinquent, desperado, deuce, evildoer, felon, fugitive, gangster, guerilla, hatchet man, heavy*, hood*, hoodlum, hooligan*, hustler, inside man, jailbird, lawbreaker, malefactor, mobster, moll, mug, muscle man, offender, outlaw, racketeer, repeater, scofflaw, shylock, sinner, slippery eel*, thug*, transgressor, trespasser, wrongdoer, yard bird, bad at life, deceitful, devious, dishonest, dishonorable, double-dealing, dubious, fraudulent, indirect, knavish, lying, nefarious, questionable, ruthless, shady, shifty, treacherous, underhand, unlawful, unprincipled, unscrupulous, untruthful

You may be asking yourself, "Why and how can Phil (of The Chop) hate WaMu so much"?

I will tell you.

Yesterday (March 1st, 2007) at 5:15pm I received a cashier’s check from WaMu for $2,008 to pay my rent for March (My douche bag landlord will only accept cashier's checks). By the time I had gotten home at from work at 6:40pm the check was either lost or stolen. I proceeded to call the WaMu customer service center to have the check canceled. The 1st delightful sub-creature that I spoke too was somewhere between a chimp and a human with Down’s Syndrome (though she was quite good at saying “Sir” every seventh word (I assume that she was equally skilled at dropping out of middle school), so I asked to speak to her manager.

Now I used to work a customer service phone job, so I know that yelling and being mean does you no good, so I was quite cordial. The gentleman that I was transferred too (Nick) clearly had an IQ that cracked the ever important 100 point mark but was still mostly useless. He was a professional spin doctor and the conversation that we held focused on sayings like “at the branches digression”, “additional security holds”, “risk to the bank”, “Sir”, and “I can see how from the consumers point of view”. He was a worthless douche and should be doing brand marketing for Massengill, not customer service for WaMu. I pushed Nick to say anything committal, he declined.

There was one piece of advice from Nick that I did take to heart and that was, “wait until tomorrow, the branch can sort it out”. He was wrong!

Today (March 2nd, 2007) at 9:20 a.m. I walked in to the branch that issues the check with the receipt for the check in hand. The woman that I talked to today (Judy) was quite nice, but equally useless. To be fair to Judy I would call her powerless rather than useless. She explained that they can’t cancel I cashiers check. I said, “But the dude who cut the check yesterday made a mistake and made the check for too little money. He re-cut the check”. She said, “If you had come back yesterday or still had the check we could re-cut it” (way to go Nick / douche / I love to bathe myself in my own cum, where is your “chill out, they can take care of this tomorrow” bullshit now?). Now Judy, if I still had the check we wouldn’t have been holding this conversation would we? What kind of ass-backwards logic does your bank operate under? Given that the mean education of your work force hovers between GED and 11th grade it should come as no surprise. So I was left fully dissatisfied and still have no way to pay rent.

How it all ends:

Phil gets to cancel the check and wait 90 days (89 days since March 1st counts as a day) to get my $2,008 back. I get to transfer money out of personal saving to pay rent (4 days late at $10 a day late fee to me) and around the 1st of June I recover my cash from those blooding drinking, heartless, god-fearing, whores, know only as Washington Mutual.

Through Him, in Him, and with Him,
Phil (of The Chop)


funboywalsh said...

those fucking cunt sniffling cunt-faces. you should have told that cum gargling, cob-webby vagina judy that she can take your two-thousand dollars, and by a really expensive gun to blow her fucking brains out. fuck!

-Tony. said...

Krusty: "It wasn't my fault, it was the Percodan. If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain. And now a word from our new sponsor... Percodan?! Aw, crap!"

These things have a way of haunting you. May The Chop and WaMu's first child be a masculine child.